Photo Dump Vol. 69

See the rest of the photo dump here.

POPPING CANDY PAVLOVA

A mega-meringue topped with cream, corner-shop penny sweets and a sprinkle of pop rocks, served with a peach schnapps and ice cream float, that will conjure up nostalgia from kiddy-hood all the way through to the awkwardness of puberty… it’s Girl Eats Food, episode one!

Watch the film here

GIRL EATS FOOD: ELVIS PRESLEY FOOD PLATTER

Famously, Presley was hospitalised for severe colon blockage, not once, but twice IN THE SAME YEAR. He was also on daily medication because it was the only way to keep his butthole dilated enough for him to actually defecate out of it. So for the love of Christ, if you’re going to actually eat any of this, please follow it with a laxative chaser and don’t blame me if you have an embolism trying to curl one out. (If you do, maybe a leave a note telling your family/lawyer to see things on the bright side. Hey, c’mon, it’ll be you and The King, shitting yourselves to death in Heaven.)

Read the full article here

WHAT’S THE MOST DISGUSTING THING YOU’VE EVER EATEN?

Like all subjective things in life, opinions on “good” food vary greatly from individual to individual and culture to culture. It’s a real whatever-floats-your-boat kind of thing. Of course there are your fringe-eaters who enjoy things like liver and gizzards, but for the most part they’re real freaks who should be avoided at all costs. We set out to ask the normal guy on the street what’s the most disgusting thing they’ve ever stuffed into their mouth-holes.

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GIRL EATS FOOD - BAKED BEAN GNOCCHI

My trick for quickly poshing up any ingredient is to hide it in Italian food. It’s a cuisine that constantly proves that, if you gesticulate enough and put vowels on the end of every dish, you can make what is essentially dough balls sound like it requires three sous chefs and a bath full of truffle oil. I’m onto you Italy, you delicious charlatans.

Read the full article here

DINNER WITH PORN STARS

Every time I’ve gone out to eat with someone in the last four years, I take a photo of them during the meal. I photograph a lot of naked women so I tend to have a lot of meals with nude models and people in the adult industry.

See more photos here

DINNER WITH PORN STARS

Every time I’ve gone out to eat with someone in the last four years, I take a photo of them during the meal. I photograph a lot of naked women so I tend to have a lot of meals with nude models and people in the adult industry

See more photos here

GIRL EATS FOOD - EASTER SPECIAL!

For most, Easter’s just a weekend of ramming cheap chocolate into your gob, and lulzing at re-runs of Jim Caviezel trying to make crucifixion look bravura in The Passion of the Christ. But if you were raised Catholic, it involves losing your culinary shit harder than Mel Gibson. So, after a month of being pious and making care packages for orphans, here’s yet another opportunity to binge eat in the name of Jesus.

See Jo’s Easter recipes here.

GIRL EATS FOOD - SKITTLES CUPS

As gloriously diabetic as Skittles are, there aren’t that many ways of tasting the rainbow™ outside of listlessly inhaling them from a vending machine packet. Put them in ice-cream, and they freeze into molar-smashing rocks. Put them in cookies, and they collapse into tasteless grit. Even the infamous Skittle Bräu just ends in you yacking up kaleidoscopic chunks. So, by far the best LOLternative way of eating Skittles is suspending them in a mousse slop.

Read the full article here

GIRL EATS FOOD - AVOCADO ECLAIRS

The avocado: light of my life, jewel of my diet and chock full of potassium to keep my prostate glowing. But, for some reason, it’s a fruit that regularly tops those ‘foods that kids hate’ polls that things like The Telegraph like to run. One theory is that children are all difficult dickwipes and parents would rather just shovel undercooked Alphabites into their offspring to keep them subdued. The other is that people don’t know what to do with avocados outside of making industrial amounts of guacamole. So, courageous pioneer that I am, I thought of a way to make this admittedly quite weird fruit more sexy (basically; add sugar, whipped cream, more sugar and buttery pastry).

Read the full article here

BARFING AT THE BURGER KING WHOPPER BAR

The Burger King Whopper Bar is, according to some ad copy, “a unique dining experience for the Whopper connoiseur (sic), with premium toppings and gourmet sandwiches you won’t find anywhere else.” They have locations in only the finest cosmopolitan cities, like South Beach, Las Vegas and Kansas City, and a visit to their website is like stepping into a chilled-out lounge for hamburger fetishists: “My onions are angry,” intones a sexy woman’s voice over a generic beat. I’m no Whopper connoisseur, but the idea of building your own burger intrigued me.

“What toppings do you want?”

“All of them, please. Every topping.”

Read the full article here

GIRL EATS FOOD - LUTHER (VANDROSS) SLIDERS

The story goes that a ravenous Luther Vandross, on one of his many violent and belligerent hunts for a midnight snack, demanded a burger from a backwater bar in Georgia. On realising that they had no buns left, in desperation they used a glazed donut instead. Cowering with fear, they served it to the soul singer, only to find that, quite by accident, they’d created something as sublime as it was perverse. Vandross left a happy and fed man, having only caused $10,000 worth of damage to the bar. An alternative history is that once he’d tasted it, the crooner politely gave it the thumbs up and Mulligan’s bar have been riding on the tale ever since.

Read the full article here

jofuertesknight:

PANCAKE DAY Y’ALL

GIRL EATS FOOD - RED VELVET PANCAKES AND CREME EGG SAUCE

Just when I thought my calendar was running low on food-related holidays, Shrove Tuesday comes along! Thanks, Christianity! To commemorate Jesus going for a walk in the desert or something, people usually spend it eating pancakes until they’re involuntarily dribbling batter out from their nose. The way I see it though, you may as well treat yourself to some extra luxurious pancakes to give you some sustenance before Lent means you can’t eat sugar because you’re spending the month beating yourself with a pair of tights full of razors.

Read the full article here

(Source: viceuk, via jofuertesknight)

GIRL EATS FOOD - RED VELVET PANCAKES AND CREME EGG SAUCE

Just when I thought my calendar was running low on food-related holidays, Shrove Tuesday comes along! Thanks, Christianity! To commemorate Jesus going for a walk in the desert or something, people usually spend it eating pancakes until they’re involuntarily dribbling batter out from their nose. The way I see it though, you may as well treat yourself to some extra luxurious pancakes to give you some sustenance before Lent means you can’t eat sugar because you’re spending the month beating yourself with a pair of tights full of razors.

Read the full article here

GIRL EATS FOOD - DE NIRO GUINNESS TIRAMISU

Seeing as how Irish people are all drunks, I was always confused as to why their alcoholic pride and joy, Guinness, tastes like acetone-sodden mud and leaves me comatose for a week. So, while I’m assured that drinking Guinness in its birthplace of Dublin is like suckling liquid gold from the teat of Mother Nature, a great way of getting the best out of the inferior piss that’s imported to our supermarkets is to complement it with an industrial amount of dairy and more alcohol.

For today’s purposes, we’ll be sourcing our extra alcohol from Italy, which is why it’s named after my favourite Irish-Italian actor who didn’t play Danny Zuko in Grease.

Read the full article here